I had seen this test on a Slate.com posting, but the document shown there was only the first 10 questions. Somebody had the good sense to go get the whole thing, & make it interactive. You can take the test here.
That being said, I scored a 2 (very poor...failure) as a 1930s wife. When I redid the test as D, I(he) scored a 27 (also poor, but not a failure) as a 1930s husband. Hmmm..... does that mean that he's better at this relationship thing than me? Or that it's harder to be a good 1930s wife than a 1930s husband? Or is all of this irrelevant? I'm going with that last one.
Perhaps I should retake it with me as the husband, since my lack of femininity seems to hurt me on these things (that and not having or wanting to have minor children to take care of). Which is strange, because I think of myself as being pretty far along in the feminine role between the two of us - I do more of the meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, planning vacations, reminding him to get presents for people's birthdays, or Christmas, or other holidays (or just going and doing it myself), and in general arranging things so that 'our' goals are met as a couple. I wonder how much weight they attached to that complaining question in that quiz. If it's alot, then I totally fail there, but I feel I've earned the right. I also do more of the working (though not more of the earning, but we're 50/50 on shared expenses (my credit bills, extra mortgage payments, savings, phone & retirment all come out of only my money).)
Urrgggghhhh. This is why it's so easy for me to imagine myself happy outside of this relationship. D used to say that he was here to make grad school easier for me. But so far all I see is the huge increase in housework, and utility bills, without any concomitant increase in help. Oh, and the expectation that I will of course want to be social with all of his friends, and babysit their wives/girlfriends (who I have nothing in common with except similar anatomy) while the guys go off & have fun. Strangely, he never feels obligated to accompany me to social outings - and he frequently declines, because he's not friends with any of "those" people.
Sorry, I keep thinking I'll stop complaining in the next paragraph. But then I just start on a fresh rant. Hmmm.... good things, good things. He's entertaining in his own weirdness. Yesterday I came home to find him picking berries off the mulberry tree. Repeatedly and until his hands were all stained purple. He doesn't criticize me. He will help, if you specify exactly what you would like done, and ask 7 or eight times, and then explain that helping "later" (as in when you remind him 7 or 8 times the next day, and the next, and the next, until he finally does it) isn't helping at all - since I could do whatever needs to be done in much shorter time. Um. I know there are other good things, or at least that if I keep coming up with bad ones, I will be in a very bad mood by the time I get home, so I better quit while I'm ahead.
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2 comments:
Umm, Chin up & all that old horse.. :D
I don't know if it will help but, I think women in general are just driven to do more. Ok I mean I am pretty lazy when I don't have to be at work. I do love to cook so that doesn't so much seem like work to me at all. I usually cook at least one meal when I am off and everyone (Johanna & the kids )are around.
But my ex-wife used to complain all the time about how I could just ignore the fact that there were so many things that were not yet done. I know that sometimes your sister feels the same way. I do really excel at relaxing. I can chill with the best of them.
I hope you feel better.
Peace.
Sweetheart,
you are, first of all, a human being. I never thought of any of my daughters as feminine. I never bought into any of that male/feminine crap anyway. The three of you are human beings. Human beings are like socks. It doesn't matter what color they are, whether they are old or new, whether they are suitable for the opera or the back yard. They are all socks.
There are things in life that have to be done. Getting food, preparing food, cleaning, and getting up and going to work. Each person adds to the list according to their own list of priorities. Your list is cognizant of the world you live in. I have always been proud of the way you get done what has to be done no matter what the situation. You are a marvel of efficiency and reality. You have a gentle touch when you want to and a hard touch when it is necessary. You are not a girl! Never fall into that trap of gender justification. YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING! The next time you are smooshed into babysitting, start showing the boys how to change diapers and read to the girls about Boedica and Medea. Encourage them to tell their parents what they have learned. Let the stupid gender prejudice work for you. You have a mind that is as sharp as Swedish steel, use it. If you want a lawn chair, get him one for his birthday. If you want a trellis, get him one for his birthday. D's list of what is important is evidently much shorter than yours. Pleasing him is evidently on your list.
Never allow yourself to be put in that feminine category, not even by yourself. You are more of a man than most men and more of a woman than you credit yourself for. You are a human being with all of the glories and faults that the term implies,
all of my love and pride, always, daddy
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