My Mom, Part II

My sister wrote a wonderful tribute to my mom for Mother's Day this year here. It made me cry, and also brought up lots of memories of my mom, that I'm not sure anybody out there knows. My sisters will, of course, remember some of it, but these are the things that have shaped my perception of my mom, so some of them may not be things that even they have thought about or known.

Some of them are extensions of things that Kristen said :)

My mom is silly. The "pinching heinies" thing is no joke, I actually almost told a story about it to D's parents at dinner last week, but I wasn't sure I could do it justice, and without knowing my mom, I'm not sure that other people would understand (It's a great song though, and there are funny stories too!). I don't remember her pinching all that much, but I don't remember that not happening either.

My mom also has the best laugh in the world. It's cute, but not like a fake laugh. She giggles, and it never fails to make me smile, and usually join in. My laugh is nothing like it, and I'm not sure I've ever heard anyone laugh like her, except for her mother, Betty. And she laughs alot, which may be more important.

My mom is great with kids. Part of it is that she's silly & enjoys playing. But there's so much more. My mom ran a daycare in our house when I was growing up, and it was probably the best daycare in the world. She taught all of those kids so much, not just about sharing and being nice, but about the world, and how to do things. Every day, the kids would sit in a circle, and recite the date (day of the week, day, month) and what kind of weather it was. She made a calendar with velcro slots in all the days, and cardboard tags with days, months, and weather symbols to stick on the calendar. She'd choose kids to pick out the right tags, and let them put it on the calendar while everyone said the words. Those kids were so excited and proud to be the one putting up the tags, which I think are the two emotions that my mom is so good at instilling in kids. She is great at creating opportunities for people to be amazed at what they can do. I think this is what empowerment is, and I feel like this is one of the great gifts that I got from my mom. Feeling like anything is possible for myself, if I work hard enough at it, and keep trying, has influenced my view of other people so that I see the possibilities of what they can do and want them to have the opportunities to discover what they are capable of. I think this is what life is all about, seeing what you can make from the circumstances that you run across, and I think more people need to have this view of life.

My mom also can make pretty much anything she needs. When we were small, she made our clothes. She always had craft books, so that we would have things to do in the summer. She never pushed us aside, so that she could show us how to do it better. She always let us learn by doing it ourselves. (At least I never remember her doing this. This is excellent training for scientists, by the way, because it teaches you how to evaluate what you are doing, and think of a better way to do it). She would bake cookies, cakes, muffins, etc., and always had us help by measuring and adding ingredients. She did this with the daycare kids, too. And, as Kristen mentioned, she always had us help with Thanksgiving dinner. I always felt so privileged to be given something important to do, and to be included in the group of women who were preparing food for the day. I still believe strongly in the value of shared work in building personal bonds, and I find it so satisfying to do things in the service of other people (okay, not always, but in my better moments, when I know some humility, and grace).

My mom raised us to pull our own weight. This was perhaps the hardest thing to take as a child, but perhaps it was the most important. I imagine it may have been one of the hardest things to implement as a mother. I'm sure there was a lot of whining about it. We got added to the chore list young, (maybe at 5?), and everyone had something to do each week. One of my earliest memories is of going to get my mom so that I could show her that I changed the sheets on my bed, by myself. I think I was 4. I had the shock of my life at 22, when I realized that some people didn't know that you were supposed to change the sheets on your bed every week. Or at all, for that matter. My mom taught us to be capable - cooking, cleaning, personal care - all the stuff that you need to know how to do to run your own house as an adult, even if it's just you living in it.

And, through chores & other things, my mom gave me my sisters. I may not always get along with everyone in my family at one time, but it's amazing to me to think about the fact that my sisters have known me since I was born, and can probably remember me being born. They have looked out for me most of my life, & still support me emotionally. Plus, they are just some of the coolest women I've ever met.

Okay, it's taken me over a week to get this posted, so I will curtail it a little bit, in the interest of getting it published in the first place. But maybe there'll be updates :)