Dissatisfaction

I'm struggling with a bit of depression these last 2 weeks, that's got me looking at everything through the most negative filter. I know that part of this is homesickness setting in; part is the same dissatisfaction with my career that I experienced in grad school, and that continues to accompany my relationship with science; and part is real financial stress that I haven't experienced in a long time. I forgot how unpleasant it is to be broke and behind on my budget.

I feel the urge to destroy the structured elements of my life, and a simultaneous, paradoxical pull to continue pressing on, to cling tighter to what I know rather than have to try again, building a new career, only to risk failing at that, too. I wonder why I didn't leave graduate school earlier, as soon as I realized I didn't really enjoy this career path (~ 2nd year for me).

Beneath all of it is the suspicion that I won't be entirely happy with anything that I do - that's just how I am. And I guess it's an improvement that I know I won't burn any bridges spectacularly, no matter how badly I want to.