Wow, grad school really stinks emotionally. I've been up and down on a daily basis the last few days, and kind of crippled by how hopeless my situation feels. I think alot of the drama is coming from the uncertainty that lies ahead of me - another move to a new place, a whole new set of people to get to know and work with - and I knew I would be anxious about it, but just had forgotten what this feels like. And on top of the stress-to-get-finished, it's getting the better of me.
I finished counting all the cells I needed to for Project #3, and made up tables, and wrote the Methods section of the manuscript for it. But when I looked at my numbers, one of my cases stood out as having really low numbers. I think it's because I lost a section or two from the LDT, where the greatest concentration of these cells are. So, at the least, I have to run more immuno on this project, and count a whole nother* set of cells (rrggghhhh, I thought I was done!). At the most, I may end up having to do more surgery anyway. And then more immuno, and then more counting.
Meanwhile, the other project I have has completely imploded, one of the antibodies isn't working right at all, and the microscope I need is broken. So, zero progress on that one.
I think I've gotten better at dealing with these kinds of frustrations, but at this point, I'm just wondering when it's going to end. I mean, it has to at some point, right? But I just can't imagine what that will be like.
So, I'll keep working at it, I will greatly enjoy the few days off I'm taking in April, and, hopefully I will graduate sometime before the end of the fall.
* why isn't this grammatically correct?
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4 comments:
Sweetheart,
if it was easy, every yahoo in town would have a degree like the one you are pursuing. If someone as talented and bright as you is having trouble, the crucible you are in must be terrifying. You will succeed. To paraphrase the poet "Persevere, persevere!".
As to the end of the Fall:
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that Doctor Holmstrand sonn would be there,
daddy
Sweetheart,
and I remember you standing in your room crying, saying that you couldn't go to school. I asked you why and you told me "I got hinkles in my socks.",
all of my love, always, daddy
I'm sorry, Ericka. Your projects sound so frustrating, plus the stress of moving to a new place - well, that would drive anyone nuts! Hang in there. All I know is that you are one tough woman, and I can't think of one time in your life when you gave up. You always manage to conquer what's ahead of you. It isn't easy, but you do it. That's amazing!
At the very least, in one month, I can pamper you for a few days! And by pamper, I mean force you to play board games and Legos with a 6-year-old. :-) Love you, sweetie!
Kristen - I'm already looking forward to it!
Thanks for all of your encouraging comments - I'm back on the optimistic side, but there's still quite a lot to accomplish before the end. I know the work is worth doing well though, and I will get it done.
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